


Jeremy Poldark

by PenelopeR



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:26:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28987065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenelopeR/pseuds/PenelopeR
Summary: The story of Jeremy Poldark... If Jeremy hadn't had the fate that he did in The Twisted Sword
Relationships: Jeremy Poldark/Ross Poldark
Comments: 21
Kudos: 30





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I really didn't need any more stories but this one came to me at work today :) And I just adore Jeremy, and his relationship with Ross, or lack off.

Jeremy was still he didn't dare move. It was like a dream, he was on his horse one moment and then the next moment he was on the ground. He had to try and hold on, Cuby needed him, his child needed him. And his mother needed him, she had already lost one child, and then there was his father, he wanted to prove to him that he could do this, all his life he wanted to prove to him, he was capable. His father wouldn't find out he had been made a captain, just like him. He felt his eyes close. 

_He could hear singing, a beautiful singing voice, it was his mother's, and he could see her, looking much younger, rocking a baby to sleep. It wasn't Henry, he knew that. "Come on my lover," Demelza whispered, "it's okay Jeremy, Mama is here..." Jeremy sighed. "I must be dead," he thought._

_He then saw he was at a church, he saw his father holding him, looking at him with such bewilderment, his mother standing next to him. He saw his Auntie Verity but then two people, he didn't know, a brown haired woman and a blonde haired man. Elizabeth, it was Elizabeth, he looked long and hard at her. He didn't think she was anything special, he couldn't see what his father found so fascinating by her. He thought his Cuby was much more attractive. "I don't think you've looked at me with love like that since," Jeremy whispered._

_He then saw his father and mother's bedroom and just his mother pacing up and down, up and down as the storm raged outside. "Where is your papa?" Demelza asked him, "I know, I know my boy, he's gone to her, I always knew he would leave me for her..." Jeremy just looked at the scene and looked confused, until it hit him like a lightening bolt. "It's just you and me son," Demelza whispered as she kissed him._

_He then saw Clowance and he, sitting on the settle at Nampara. Ross walked in and ran to them, ran to Clowance and picked her up, kissing her chubby cheek, he got a ruffle to the hair. Jeremy looked on sadly as Clowance got all the love._

_"What about if we used steam," Jeremy said as he looked at Ross, "I think it would be more efficient father..." Ross looked at him and sighed. "Jeremy," Ross said slowly, "let's just stick with what we know..." Jeremy looked at him and sighed. "I bet if it was Clowance or Bella you would say yes," Jeremy muttered to himself. "When this is mine," Jeremy said as he looked at him and walked out of the mine office in a huff._

_"I've met someone," Jeremy said as he looked at his father in his office. Ross put down his papers and looked at him and smiled. "And does this someone, have a name?" Ross asked her. "Cuby," Jeremy said slowly. Ross nodded his head. "You don't look happy son," Ross said as he looked at him. "Her father hates me," Jeremy said slowly, "says I'm not good enough for his daughter..." Ross stood up and looked at him. "Who? What's her name? You're a Poldark..." Ross said seriously. "Trevanion," Jeremy said slowly, "They say because of mother..." Ross scrunched his fist up in fury. "So I've lost her," Jeremy said shrugging. "Never give up on love Jeremy," Ross said as he looked at him, "you can't give up on love, I've never given up on the love me and your mother shared, I lost a love once..." Jeremy looked at him. "Take her, if you love her..." Ross continued._

_"You're going to war?" Demelza exclaimed to him, "Jeremy no..." Jeremy wasn't looking at her, he was looking at his father. "Are you sure?" Ross asked him, "I mean, you're not exactly known to be..." Jeremy looked at him seriously. "What father?" Jeremy asked him, "what am I not like? You? Unlike Geoffrey-Charles, he's a true Poldark isn't he?" Ross looked at him shocked. "I'm going father, I need to get away from Nampara, from Cornwall, from Cuby... for you!" Jeremy stormed off._

___

Jeremy moaned as he came to again, he felt a presence near him, a familiar smell, a homely smell. He saw a shadow over him. "Jeremy," he heard, panic in the persons voice. Jeremy gasped in pain. "Shhhh," the voice said again, "I came as soon as I could..." Jeremy recognized the voice, the smell. "Father," he whispered, "is that you? Am I dreaming again?" 

"I'm here," Ross whispered, "I'm here, don't move..." Jeremy looked at him. "I'm sorry father," Jeremy whispered to him, "for letting you down." Ross looked down at him. "You've not let me down," Ross whispered, "I went to have supper with Wellington yesterday, and when I found out you were captain, I could scarce believe it..." Ross looked down at him and stroked his curly hair. "I thought they had it wrong," Ross continued, "my boy, you never fail to surprise me, never fail to..." 

"Father," Jeremy said slowly, "am I dying?" Ross looked at him and shook his head. "No," Ross whispered, "Dwight is coming, he is here, in France... he will save you... Papa will save you..." Jeremy coughed and then looked at him. "You'll look after Cuby," Jeremy whispered to him, "she's with child..." Ross looked at him. A grand papa, he could barely believe it, he still thought of Jeremy as his baby. 

"You will see your child," Ross whispered, "don't talk my boy, helps to come..." Jeremy looked at him. "Do you love me?" Jeremy asked him slowly. Ross was silent as he just looked at him. "What a question," Ross said as he looked at him, pain showing on Ross's face as he saw his son's blood seeping from his side. "Do you?" Jeremy whispered again, "I know I took Julia's place..." Ross looked at him blinking away his tears. "You never," Ross chocked out. 

"I just want your love," Jeremy chocked out before he lost consciousness. "Jeremy," Ross exclaimed, "I can't lose another child, I can't hold another child as they die, please son, you just have to hold on." 

___

Ross sat in the tent, memories of his time as a captain came back to him. Lying in a ditch as Dwight saved his leg, saved his sight, saved him, he was thinking of Elizabeth and coming back to a home with her. Now, he was sitting, waiting for news on his son, his much loved son, who was being saved by the same doctor that saved him. The same doctor who had birthed him, the same doctor who had made him better from all his childhood illnesses. 

_Dear God, if you are there, please, please don't take another child from Demelza and I, please I couldn't bare it, I just couldn't, please give me forgiveness for everything I have done to cause him pain in the past..._

He stopped his prayer as he felt a presence next to him. "He's alive," Dwight whispered as he looked at his friend, his face anxious, "I've managed to remove the bullet, but he is unconscious, he is very sick..." Ross looked at him and nodded. "Can we move him?" Ross asked Dwight, "to an inn, to somewhere better than this..." Ross looked around at the shrubbery, "I want the best for my son, he needs the best..." Dwight looked at him and sighed. "As he's a captain," Dwight whispered, "he will be moved soon, when it's safe for him to be moved... luckily I came to Paris with you..." Ross looked at him and nodded. 

___

Ross sat next to his son, his copper hair stuck to his face. "Papa's here," Ross whispered, "I'm not leaving you, I've sent word to Cuby, Dwight has gone, he is better with words than me... and I don't want to leave your side..." Ross took his hand and sighed. "I love you Jeremy," Ross whispered, "you came into our lives at such a sad time, losing your sister killed me, but you saved us, you saved your mother, my darling Demelza, you saved her...

When we had problems you were her one source of comfort, and I am grateful to you for that, but you are my son, my firstborn son, oh Jesus, why can't I find the words... I'm sorry if I have ever let you down, I am sorry I have ever made you think that I don't love or value you, when we're home, the mine is yours to turn it into a steam house, teach me about steam..." Ross felt his eyes grow wearily, and he closed his eyes holding his son's hand.


	2. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those most dear to Jeremy react to the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the Demelza and Clowance bits is a time jump, but I needed to do a POV of them

**Ross**

Ross woke up in a start, how could he have fallen asleep, it felt like a lifetime since he had found Jeremy, when really it had been only a few hours. Hours of Ross walking up and down the tent. "You're going to be moved soon son," Ross whispered, "to an inn, where you can get better care... Cuby can see you then..." Ross looked at him. "Oh Jeremy," Ross whispered, "I know I've been a lousy father to you..." "I've let you down, and I never saw how much until now, seeing you like this, looking so ill, reminding me so much of your mother when she had the putrid throat, I have to say I have always been jealous of you and your mother, you are her boy, who saved her after such a horrific ordeal, son, if not for me, you have to pull through for your mother, because losing you would destroy her more than Julia, because when I was a lousy husband, you were her constant, her lover..." Ross gasped out a tear. "You were wrong," Ross whispered to him, "I never wanted Geoffrey-Charles to be my son, because you are my son, my boy, my heir and one day when you are better, and I am long gone in heaven with your mother you will be Sir Jeremy Poldark, because I took the knighthood for you, my darling boy..." Ross stroked his curly hair. "I used to do this when you had a fever when you were ill," Ross whispered, "I used to sneak in and stroke your curly hair and pray you would be okay in the morning..." "I used to get up in the night to use the chamber pot and just sneak in and watch you sleep, and pray and hope that you had no fever, I don't know why I couldn't share it with you, I know you feel I love Clowance, Bella and Henry more, but I was just too scared at first..." Ross sighed. "I was too scared to fall in love with you in case you went, in case I had to hold you in my arms, as you took your last breath, and as more children came my fear went, but I can't get those moments back with you, but I won't let you down this time...Papa's here..." ___

**Cuby**

I heard a knock at the door and rubbed the swell where Jeremy, and I's child lay nestled safely in my womb. I hoped and prayed it was going to be Jeremy back, my fear was getting a knock from the regiment telling me about my Jeremy, my dear husband, who I loved so much, the man I ran away from my mansion, from my dear parents for, he was a humble miner and farmer, but he was her Jeremy, and he was only here because she turned him down at first, and to prove something to his father.

She opened the door and stared as she saw someone she thought she should know but couldn't think who it was. A gentleman, she could tell he was a gentleman. "Mrs Poldark," Dwight said as she took off his hat and looked at her. Cubby looked at him and nodded slowly. "I'm Dwight Enys, Jeremy's godfather..." Dwight said gently to her. I nodded, I heard all about Dwight, how he was Jeremy's father figure growing up. He told me all about his father being away in London as an MP and how he felt his sisters were his pride and joy, while he was his mothers...

"I've heard so much about you," I say as I looked at him, "I am so sorry, but Jeremy isn't here, he is on duty at the moment... Would you like to come in with a cup of tea?" Dwight looked at me and I felt myself go cold. "Jeremy has been hurt," he says slowly. My face crumples and I feel myself falling down. "He's alive," I hear his godfather say, "he's alive, his father is with him, he would very much like you to be with him..." I don't even think about it, I just walk out of the house that Jeremy had arranged for us. 

"I'm with child," I said to him, "I can't lose him, I..." He took my hand and patted it comfortingly. "I saved his life when he was born," he said slowly, "and I won't let him die now, he is stable but unconscious and his father is with him, he won't let anything happen to your Jeremy..." I just look at him. "I don't think highly of his father," I say to him and then just remain silent as he helps me up into a carriage and I just stroke my bump.

___

**Demelza**

I hadn't heard from Ross for so long, I was getting worried, we were ripped away from each other, in such awful circumstances, I just hope he is okay, and I hope Jeremy is okay. I want my family to be together again. And then I get the note, it's an official note and I feel dread, official notes are never good, I break open the seal and my world goes black, my boy, my son, my saviour, injured in the war. I fall to my knees screaming. Its happening again, my boy, my son, my saviour is leaving me, and I am not there again. Again Ross is with a child as they fight. "Mama," I hear Henry. "I'm okay," I whisper, "Oh darling I am okay..." Henry looked up at her, his own eyes shining at her like Jeremy's used to. She held the letter tightly in her hand, her husbands scrawl. 

I'm happy Ross is with him at least. I just hope and pray that Ross brings him home, with his wife. Oh God, Cuby. A wife, I know that feeling when Ross was saving Dwight, she had nightmares night after night of him not returning to her, and now Cuby, she was so young. Newly married, she left her family for him. Her dear boy, her loving son. I then see Caroline rushing in, Ross must have written to her, must have known my reaction. "My friend," Caroline whispered, "I'm here, I've sent word for Clowance to come... Ross won't let anything happen to him, he is alive, which is better than so many of the other men..."

**Clowance**

I run into the house and find mum just sitting there with Caroline, as Henry plays with Horace by the fire. "Mother," I exclaim, "Oh God, mother..." I put my head on her lap like I did when I was a child, and she strokes my hair comforting me. "Father really said he is alive," I whisper, I feel scared, Jeremy is my best friend, he is the only one that knows about Stephen and I's relationship problems. I couldn't go to father or mother because I know they would have told me I should have married Edward. "He's alive," Mother whispers, "your father is hopeful, Dwight is with him, of course, and so is Cuby..."

"This is all her fault!" I exclaim, "if she hadn't of broken his heart, he wouldn't of signed up, wouldn't be so far away from us... I hate her!" Mother looks at me, her look that tells me that I've over stepped the mark and I slump down on the settle. "Your father says she's distraught," Mother says slowly, "also you're going to be an auntie..." I stop and look at her, and then I burst into tears. "Jeremy is going to be a papa," I whisper. "He is," Mother says, "and we must support Cuby when she comes here, Nampara will be her home when they come back." 

I know it's not Cuby's fault, Jeremy told me the reason he joined the real reason he joined, he wanted to prove their father wrong, I know they had a strained relationship, I prayed that father would give Jeremy time, I adore my father, but I knew Jeremy was jealous of the relationship I had with him, Bella and darling Henry had, he felt he never had that. I hope father is laying those fears to bed. 

___

Ross stopped stroking Jeremy's hair as he heard a noise behind him and saw that he was no longer alone, Dwight was behind him with a beautiful young lady, heavily with a child, and he saw just a devastated young woman who clearly loved his son so very much. He knew only one woman would look as devastated, if not more, his wife, he must write to her as soon as possible. 

"You must be Cuby," Ross whispered to her. But she was silent as she just stared at Jeremy. "Is he alive?" she whispers to Dwight, completely ignoring me. "He is," Dwight said slowly, "he's very weak, the bullet hit his side, but he is alive, but very sick..." Cuby looked at Dwight and nodded. She then looks at me. "He did this for you," Cuby said to Ross. Ross looked at his son. "He wanted you to believe in him," Cuby continued, "in his steam idea, in his place in the family..." Dwight looked at them. "Now isn't the time for this," Dwight said to her, he gently put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. 

"I love him," Ross said to her, "he came to me to tell me about you..." Cuby looked up at him. "I told him to follow his heart," Ross whispered, "to not give up on you..." Cuby looked at Ross. "I'm having his baby," Cuby whispered, "I can't do this without him, he kept saying to me, he wasn't going to leave me, he was going to be a papa, a proper one..." Ross came over to her and bent down to her.

"He will come back to you both," Ross whispered to her, "Demelza and I will look after you both, I know you don't hold me in high regard, but I do love Jeremy, I always have, and I will do everything in my power to make sure you and his child are safe... you must come to Nampara..." Cuby looked up at him. "I'll come when Jeremy is well..." Cuby whispered. "That might be awhile," Dwight said gently. "By Christmas?" Cuby asked. "Is that when the child is due?" Ross asked her gently. Cuby nodded. "You must come to Nampara," Ross said, "I will do everything in my power to get him back to Cornwall..." Cuby just nodded at him. Ross felt powerless, but he was going to use his status, his knighthood, he's knowing Wellington, the king to make sure his boy was given the best care, that Cuby was safely taken back to Nampara.


	3. Nampara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nampara is waiting for the arrival of Cuby and news from Ross about Jeremy.

Demelza looked around at Nampara and closed her eyes as she imagined a time, a time log ago when Jeremy and Clowance were running around the house waiting for their papa to come home from London. Now her and Clowance were waiting for their dear Papa, their dear husband to tell them news on their dear Jeremy, and hopefully bringing Cuby. "Oh mother I can't bear this," Clowance said to her painfully. "Oh my darling," Demelza whispered to her. "I know it's terrible, for you, mother," Clowance said, "because Jeremy is your utter favourite..." 

Demelza looked at her and took her hand. "I love you all very much," Demelza whispered to Clowance. "Oh I know that mother," Clowance said seriously, "but Jeremy after Julia became very precious to you..." Demelza looked at her and nodded. "And he was my saviour after such a difficult time..." Demelza whispered. "I do dislike Papa at times," Clowance said suddenly after a period of silence. "Clowance!" Demelza exclaimed, "Your papa loves you very much..."

Clowance looked at her. "Oh I know he loves me," Clowance said seriously, "that's plain to see, even though I don't think he liked me very much when I married Stephen..." Demelza looked at her and sighed. "Your father just wants the best for you," Demelza said seriously, "for all of you..." "Except Jeremy," Clowance said coldly. Demelza looked at her shocked. "What do you mean? Your father loves Jeremy very much," Demelza said seriously. "I don't doubt that," Clowance said slowly, "Maybe I shouldn't of said anything, but Jeremy and I have had many discussions over the years about him and father..." Demelza looked down and sighed. 

"After Julia your father..." Demelza started. "No Mother," Clowance said slowly, "he can't use that as an excuse, you love us all, and" you lost Julia too, Father seems to act like its Jeremy's fault Julia died, it upset him greatly mother..." Demelza looked at her. "He spoke to you?" she asked her. "Frequently," Clowance said, "when we were babes, he asked me why Papa held me more..." Demelza gasped. "He went to war to show father he could be like him," Clowance said sadly, "and look what it has done to him."

___

Dwight looked at Cuby as they sat in the carriage moving along the Cornish hilltops after five days of travel from France. "Are you sure he will be okay?" Cuby asked him worriedly. "Ross will look after him," Dwight said slowly. "I don't think highly of his father," Cuby said slowly. Dwight sighed. "I know he is your friend," Cuby said slowly, "I like you though, Jeremy speaks most highly of you." Dwight smiled at her kindly. 

"I've seen him since birth," Dwight said slowly. "Would you, with ours be our..." Cuby started slowly, "I know Jeremy would like you to be with me when my time comes..." Dwight looked at her and smiled kindly. "Ross would insist anyhow," Dwight said gently, "Ross loves Jeremy very much Cuby... He isn't to blame for this..."

Cuby looked at him. "He signed up to prove his dad wrong," Cuby said bitterly, "I've heard many stories on how Ross didn't treat him like his sisters, especially Clowance, and how he spent most of his childhood with Geoffrey-Charles..." Dwight looked at her and sighed. "Ross knows his faults," Dwight said slowly, "but I know Ross, he adores all his children..." 

Cuby scoffed at him. "We will have to agree to disagree then!" Cuby said as she crossed her arms. "Give him time, please," Dwight said, "I know my friend, and he is right now broken, he knows his wrong doings, and some things Jeremy doesn't know..." Cuby nodded at him. "He will do anything for his son and he will look after you and his grandchild, he is the fiercely loyal Ross is, and he knows he has done wrong in the past."

______

Ross looked at Jeremy as he lay in a stately home being looked after by the military doctors. "How is he?" Ross asked the doctor as they checked him. "He is stable," the doctor said to him. "When can he travel back to Cornwall, his wife is with child," Ross said seriously, "I would like him back at home by her time..." The doctor nodded at him. "I understand sir," the doctor said, "but he has been seriously injured..." Ross nodded his head and sighed in frustration. "He shouldn't be alive," the doctor said again, "your friend is certainly an amazing doctor." 

Ross looked up at him and nodded. "He's the best," Ross whispered, "he saved him when he was a baby, and now he's saved him in war, just like he saved me..." Ross took Jeremy's hand and kissed it. "My boy," he whispered, "Cuby is on her way to Nampara before the arrival of your child, I know you would want her to be safe at Nampara, Demelza will be in her element looking after her and her first grandchild, I am hoping I can get you back before the birth..." Ross stroked his son's curly hair and kissed his forehead. 

___

Demelza looked at Clowance as they heard hooves outside, and she stood up and smiled as she saw Dwight step out of the carriage and then stopped as she saw Cuby, her son's wife, the mother of his child come out of the carriage, and she ran out of the house towards them, tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked at Cuby and took her in her arms. "Oh Cuby," Demelza whispered, "I'm so glad you are here, safe..." 

Cuby looked at her and instantly adored his mother, Jeremy was right, she was the salt of the earth. Her lip trembled. "I didn't want to leave him," Cuby whispered to her, "but Ross thought it would be best as my time draws nearer..." Demelza looked down at her stomach. "When is the child to come?" Demelza asked her. "Christmas," Cuby said to her, "Ross promised me he would bring Jeremy back by then..." 

"Ross will look after him, I promise you..." Demelza said to her. Cuby looked at her. "I don't think highly of your husband," Cuby said as she looked at her, "I am maybe speaking out of turn here so forgive me, but he has hurt Jeremy beyond belief, and hearing stories about him growing up and wanting his father's love, doesn't hold Ross in high regard I'm afraid... I hope, and I pray he brings my Jeremy back, but I don't have as much faith in him as you and Dwight..." 

With that she walked into Nampara and stopped as she saw Clowance. His much loved sister. "Also he signed up because of you," Clowance said bitterly, "not just because of father..." Cuby looked at her, her lip wobbling, her chin bobbng too and nodded. "You think I don't know that, I don't have regrets that I didn't run away with him when he first asked me, but we all make mistakes..." Clowance looked at her. "So don't just blame my father, remember whose house you are in," Clowance said to her. "Stop," Demelza said to them, "no one is to blame, war is war, and it could have happened no matter what, Jeremy is alive and that's all that matters..." Demelza walked in and stopped as she looked at Cuby. "This is your home," Demelza whispered to her, "Jeremy was born here, and now his child will be born here, it brings me great strength to know that!"


	4. Awkwardness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know Nampara

The morning came and Cuby looked around Jeremy's room, he saw tin soldiers on the side, his wooden bricks, and she picked one up, thinking of when their baby would be here, she hoped Jeremy was going to be here, going to be alive, she needed him. "He loved his wooden blocks," Demelza whispered as she stood at the door. "What was he like as a baby?" Cuby asked her. 

"He was small," Demelza whispered, "he came into our lives at a time when life was so uncertain..." Cuby looked at him. "He told me about Julia," Cuby said as she looked at Demelza. "He did?" Demelza asked confused. "He said he lived his life in a shadow of an angel," Cuby whispered. Demelza gasped as she covered her mouth. "Not with you," Cuby said slowly, "he adores you, he spoke about you with nothing but fondness..." 

"Cuby," Demelza said as she took her hand and squeezed, "please believe me when I tell you Ross loves Jeremy..." Cuby looked at her. "Jeremy never felt it," Cuby said to her honestly, "he said to me once when I told him I was with child, that he would look on from the sidelines and see his father with Clowance, he would hold her and kiss her and if he was lucky he would get a head rub..." Demelza looked at her. "Ross found it hard to bond with Jeremy after Julia's passing," Demelza whispered, "to me Jeremy is a blessing a saviour..."

"I am very sorry you lost a child," Cuby said gently, "so very, very sorry..." Demelza looked at her as she felt herself getting emotional. "But that isn't Jeremy's fault," Cuby whispered, "don't you see that..." Demelza looked at her. "Ross and I were going through a very difficult time..." Cuby looked at her. "He saved me," Demelza whispered, "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my dear Jeremy..." Cuby looked at her. "Jeremy loves you," Cuby whispered, "he spoke so fondly of you..." Demelza smiled at her. "He told me how being a grandma would be your biggest love..." Demelza smiled at her. "It will be," Demelza whispered, "the first time you hold your child is the most precious moment of their life..." 

"I'm scared," Cuby whispered to her, "I just want Jeremy with me, helping me, he promised me he wasn't going to be an absent father, and now... because of me, I am blaming Ross, but Clowance is right, because I didn't run away with him here, run away to anywhere in Cornwall, he signed up and now..." Cuby put her hands over her eyes and started to sob loudly. Demelza looked at her and took her in her arms.

___

Clowance looked at Caroline and Dwight as they watched Henry play with Horace. "Is Stephen not here?" Caroline asked her. "No," Clowance said slowly, "Verity is coming though..." Caroline looked at her. "Uncle Dwight," Clowance said slowly, "is he really going to be okay?" Dwight sighed and looked at her. "He was stable when I left," Dwight said gently, "he was worse than when I treated your father in the war, but he was alive... he was responding well to the removal of the bullet." Clowance nodded at him. "He's my best friend," Clowance whispered.

"Oh my dear," Caroline whispered. "When Papa was in London when we were little," Clowance started, "he would protect me, he would look after me..." Clowance sighed. "And sometimes I was really mean to me," Clowance sighed, "I would tease him saying Papa loved me more, and his face would drop... and back then I didn't know..." Clowance looked at them. "He trusted me with the mine," Clowance said slowly, "he always wanted to do so well, so father would be proud of him, but..." 

"Ross is so proud of you all," Caroline said seriously, "Ross is a man, they don't share feelings..." Clowance looked at her. "Jeremy was the only one who knew my problems," Clowance said, "maybe I am more like father..." Dwight looked at her. "Are you in trouble?" Dwight asked her worriedly. "Do you need money my dear?" Caroline asked her worriedly. 

"No," Clowance said slowly, "no..." Caroline looked at her. "Father was right," Clowance said slowly, "I should never have married Stephen... Jeremy is the only one who knows how it's been..." Dwight looked at her. "Has he hurt you? Like physically..." Dwight said as he took a sip of his drink. "No," Clowance said seriously, "not physically..." Caroline looked at her. "I've left him," Clowance said slowly, "Jeremy has let me have the mine, so I've had money come in..." Caroline smiled, Jeremy was so much like Ross thinking of those in need. 

"You should tell your mother and father," Dwight said seriously. "Not now, not with Jeremy so ill and Cuby and the baby..." Clowance said slowly. "Your father nearly made the same mistake..." Caroline said slowly, "if he had married Elizabeth I think he would have had a very sad life..." 

___

"This isn't your fault," Demelza whispered to her. "Isn't it?" Cuby asked her, "you must hate me..." Demelza looked at her and sighed. "I don't hate anyone," Demelza said slowly, "I tried hating people once, and it didn't work out well for me..." Cuby looked at her. "Ross was going to marry someone else when he came back from war..." Cuby looked at her. "I married Ross knowing he loved another, and I hated that person for the way she treated Ross, for the way she always came calling like a damsel in distress, and he came calling..." Demelza looked at her pained. 

"Is that Geoffrey-Charles mum?" Cuby asked her. Demelza nodded. "In the end she died very sad and in sadness... she tried to take away my happiness, but she didn't succeed..." Cuby looked at her. "I won't go into details," Demelza continued, "but I learnt from then on that hatred caused so much pain, I hated, and I let it fester inside me until I felt dead inside..." Demelza sighed. "So no I don't hate you," Demelza continued, "I think you were scared to leave your family, and I think in the end love won, and love always wins Cuby, I wasn't society's choice for Ross, but we won, because my love was strong for the both of us, until he saw what was in front of his eyes..." Cuby looked at her and nodded. "That's why my father didn't want me with my dear Jeremy," Cuby whispered.

"I know," Demelza whispered, "but that's okay... and Jeremy was just like his father, he followed his heart... and when Ross brings him home, you will be a family and its so precious..." Cuby looked at her. "II hope he does," Cuby whispered, "I know you probably dislike the way I speak about your husband, but when Jeremy spoke about his feelings of his father, how much he wished for things... he told me once how Ross was so proud of Geoffrey-Charles joining the Army, marrying his Spanish bride, and he felt so little, so small, it bought back memories, memories of things he can't quite remember, but he feels there was a time that was normal when he was little..." 

Demelza went over to the window and sighed as her head went back to that time. "He was my saviour," Demelza whispered, "when Ross with her, it was Jeremy and I, he is my boy... but please don't hate Ross... He adores all his children, but as more children came the fear of him losing them left..." Cuby sighed. "I hope and pray for you and for my Jeremy, Ross looks after him as good as you and Dwight said he will..."

___

"I'm with child," Clowance said to Dwight. Caroline stopped drinking the glass mid-air. "Oh my dear," Caroline said as she looked at Dwight. "Stephen left me," Clowance said slowly, "he doesn't want a child..." Dwight looked at her furiously. "How dare he!" Dwight exclaimed. Clowance looked down. "Please don't tell father and mother," Clowance said to them, "not while Jeremy is so ill, he knows Jeremy, I wrote to him..." Dwight sighed. "Ross will," Caroline said slowly. "I know," Clowance said slowly, "tell me I should have married Edward... I made a mistake... I followed my heart, and now it's been trampled on, and I'm going to be a laughingstock..." 

Caroline took her hand and squeezed it. "You won't be," Caroline whispered, "leave it to Auntie Caroline, now you must rust and not worry, but I think you should tell your mother... and let her tell Ross..." Dwight looked at her. "When Jeremy's home," Clowance whispered, "I promise I will when my big brother is home..."

___

Ross watched again as Jeremy's chest moved up and down, he stopped as he thought he heard a groan. "Jeremy," Ross whispered, "its father, can you hear me? You are okay..." Jeremy groaned again. "Cuby," he said groaning. "Is at Nampara," Ross whispered, tears in his eyes, smiling at the joy he felt as his son was waking up. Jeremy groaned. "Did I disappoint you?" Jeremy asked slowly. 

Ross looked down at him, tears rolling his cheeks. "No, God no," Ross said slowly, "I'm so proud of you, hey a Captain, a brave captain, and when your better and I've taken you home, the mine will be a steam mine... we will use steam, and you can teach me..." Jeremy opened his eyes and saw Ross looking at him. "It's Clowance's," Jeremy said slowly, "she needs it..." Ross looked at him confused. 

"You stayed," Jeremy said after a while. "Of course," Ross said looking at him, "I wasn't going to leave you..." Jeremy was silent. "Geoffrey-Charles okay?" Jeremy asked him. "He is okay," Ross whispered, "he came to see you, but that doesn't matter right now, only you matter..." Jeremy felt his heart swell with joy at that. "Father," Jeremy said again. "Yes son," Ross said slowly, "you shouldn't be talking so much..." Jeremy looked at him. "Will you hold me?" Jeremy asked him hopefully. Ross looked at him and sat on the edge of the bed and held him carefully. "Oh I love you," Ross whispered, "I'm going to take you home, as soon as your up to it..." Jeremy felt himself melt into his fathers arms.


	5. Homecoming of truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A homecoming

Ross looked at Jeremy as he laid in the carriage on the way from Dover towards home. "Are you in pain?" Ross asked him slowly. "No," Jeremy whispered to him, "how did you feel coming home from war?" Ross looked at him. "I felt apprehensive," Ross said honestly, "my father had died... I felt guilt that I wasn't there..." Jeremy looked at him. "Were you close to your father?" Jeremy asked him. "No," Ross said as he looked out of the window, "not really, when my mother died, he pulled away from me..." Jeremy looked at him. 

Jeremy thought how he knew how that felt, but he decided that it wasn't the time to talk about it, his father was here now. "I was also in a carriage with the God awful Ruth," Ross muttered. Jeremy looked at him confused. "She is a ghastly woman," Ross said seriously, "she is everything I despise in a woman..." Jeremy sighed. "You wanted to marry Elizabeth," Jeremy said suddenly. Ross turned and looked at him shocked. 

___

Clowance came out of the privy and wiped her face and then saw Prudie looking at her. "When are you going to tell your mother?" Prudie asked her. Clowance looked at her horrified. "I can't," Clowance said as she looked down. Prudie looked at her with her eyebrow raised. "Not while we are waiting for father and Jeremy," Clowance said slowly, "how did you guess?" Prudie looked at her. "Prudie always knows," Prudie said to her, "just take it easy..." Clowance looked at her and nodded. "Please don't tell mother," Clowance said to her seriously. 

Prudie just looked at her and sighed. "You must tell her when your father comes back," Prudie said seriously, "where's Stephen?" Clowance looked at her and her eyes filled with tears. "He's gone," Clowance whispered as she sobbed gently, "he doesn't want a child..." Prudie looked at her. "And I know what father will say," Clowance said slowly, "but right now, all that matters is Jeremy..." 

Prudie looked at her and nodded. "I'll be quiet," Prudie said seriously, "but you can't keep it a secret for long..." Clowance looked at her and nodded. "You are like a grand mama to me," Clowance whispered. Prudie looked at her and dabbed her eyes and nodded. "Go and rest in the parlour, I'll bring you a tea," Prudie whispered to her emotionally. 

___

"I know about Elizabeth," Jeremy said weakly. Ross sighed he didn't want to have this conversation, it was such a long time ago, wounds were healed. "Your right, I was meant to be marrying Elizabeth," Ross said slowly, "but you have to understand it was years before I met your mother, I had known Elizabeth nearly all my life..." Jeremy nodded but winced in pain. "Hey," Ross said slowly, "do you need anything..."

"I had a dream," Jeremy said slowly, "when I first got hurt..." Ross looked at him. "I saw you holding me as a baby," Jeremy whispered, "you were in a church with mother, and auntie Verity, and I saw two people who I didn't know, not really, until it hit me, it was Elizabeth..." Ross looked at him. "Elizabeth was your Godmother," Ross whispered to him. Jeremy looked at him. "With my cousin Francis," Ross continued.

"I don't remember him," Jeremy whispered. "He died when you were young," Ross whispered, "he died at the mine, he drowned..." Ross looked down at his hands, feeling the pain of that time coming back to him, how if Francis had been able to swim, he wouldn't of made the worst mistake of his life. Jeremy looked at him. "Hence why you left mother and I for Elizabeth and Geoffrey Charles..." 

Ross looked at him and for a moment he saw Jeremy as a toddler lying there in his cot, like he was when it all happened. "You remember?" Ross asked him.

___

Clowance sat and watched as Henry played with Jeremy's old building blocks. "Are you okay?" Cuby asked as she sat by the father and watched her. Clowance nodded at her. "I'm sorry," Clowance said to her, "I shouldn't have blamed you..." Cuby looked up at her and put down what she was mending. "I don't blame you," Cuby said to her, "I should have followed my heart," Cuby whispered. 

"Sometimes that doesn't work," Clowance whispered slowly, "sometimes following your heart causes you even more heartbreak..." Cuby looked at her and saw Clowance's sadness. "This is Jeremy's coat," Cuby said as she held up the blue knitted coat, "your mother gave it to me, she wants our baby to have it..." Cuby held it up to her nose and sniffed it. 

"Ross bought it for him," Demelza said as she walked in and smiled, "when he went to Truro, there were booties that went with it, but he lost them at the beach..." Demelza looked at them both. "It must have been lovely to live so close to the beach..." Demelza looked at her and smiled. "When I was just a maid here," Demelza said whispering, "I loved going down to the beach with dear Garrick..." Cuby looked at her and smiled. 

"We used to run in the surf, bare-footed and dear Jeremy used to hold onto your legs mother," Clowance said smiling at the memory, "one day I remember father came running down to us, he had come back unexpectedly from London, and he ran into the water and took us in his arms..." Demelza smiled at the memory. "We went on swim days with Dwight and Caroline too," Demelza said smiling, "hopefully you and Jeremy will make your own memories with your family on the beach..." 

\---

"I remember," Jeremy whispered, "the dream I had while dying bought it all back, you were hardly there for me when I was a baby, but it was so different with you and my sisters and brother..." Ross looked at him. "I've lived my life in a shadow of an angel," Jeremy whispered, "just like mother lived the first part of her marriage with you in the shadow of another love..."

Ross was rendered speechless at that. "Jeremy you don't understand," Ross whispered, "I went to war thinking I was going to marry someone and I never did, and I know now how blessed I am it didn't happen, how I would never have had the love of your mother or been blessed with you and your siblings..." Jeremy looked at him and groaned as the carriage went over a bump. "We will be home soon," Ross whispered to him. 

Silence filled the carriage and Ross knew he had to say something, put his feelings into words. "I won't lie to you," Ross whispered, "I didn't marry your mother at first because I loved her..." Jeremy looked at him. "You still loved Elizabeth?" Jeremy asked with bitterness in his voice. "I did," Ross sad seriously, "All through the war, when I lay injured I thought I was going to come back and marry and then to find out she was to be married to my cousin..."

"Your mother would say I saved her when I found her in a dog fight, but that's wrong, your mother saved me, I didn't realize what a catch I was making, she came into our home, and made it a home, Nampara was never a home until your mother got her hands on it, she made curtains, and I had never seen as many flowers in all my life as Nampara when she first came..."

Jeremy smiled at him. "You see I put Elizabeth up high on a cloud, she was untouchable, and that didn't mean to me that I didn't love your mother, I loved them both in different ways..." Jeremy looked at him and scoffed. "That's an excuse father," Jeremy said seriously. "Your right," Ross said slowly, "I was a coward...." Ross looked at him. "But I never loved you less than Geoffrey-Charles, Francis had died, and I had this thought that they needed me..."

"Didn't I need you, father?" Jeremy asked him, "didn't I want to go riding with you?" Ross looked down guiltily. "I wasn't thinking," Ross whispered, "I was trying to do the right thing by my cousin." Jeremy looked at him. "And what about the right thing by me and mother," Jeremy exclaimed to him, "were you thinking about that?" Jeremy winced again. "Don't upset yourself," Ross said as he moved to his side, "please, I promised Cuby I would bring you home in one piece, and she already dislikes me immensely."

Jeremy smiled at the mention of Cuby. "I'm going to be a Papa," Jeremy whispered to him. "And you will be an amazing one," Ross whispered to him, "I can't put into words about how sorry I am for the hurt I have caused you..." Jeremy looked at him. "Mother forgave you for taking someone other than her," Jeremy whispered, "I forgive you, thank you for staying with me..." 

___

Ross looked at Jeremy as he slept, her looked so young, he looked just like how he did when he was a toddler. He put his head on his lap gently. "Father," Jeremy whispered sleepily. "I'm here," Ross whispered, "You're so nearly home, home to your family..." Jeremy groaned. "Cuby is very protective of me," Jeremy whispered to him, "she's very much like mother... she loves hard and fast and true..."

Ross smiled down at him. "You have a good woman then, you could have no one better than someone who is like your mother, she is the best woman in the world..." Jeremy looked at him. "I love your mother very much," Ross whispered, "I didn't know what love was until I found her, until I nearly lost her, and now she is my constant..." Jeremy looked at him and nodded. 

Jeremy sighed. "I hope I have a little girl," Jeremy whispered. Ross smiled. "Girls are beautiful," Ross said seriously, "I remember holding Julia for the first time in my life... and Clowance but do you know what was really special holding my son for the first time..." Jeremy smiled up at him as he smelled the air, and the sea of Cornwall was in sight.


End file.
